Qissa-e-Sanjan with a twist!

This is a conversation I had with my father a decade ago…

3M: I was reading the Qissa-e-Sanjan… the saga of the Parsi Community… how they came to India!

Baba: Hmm

3M: How they were being driven out of Persia during the Islamic conquests

Baba: Hmm

3M: They realised that the safest place where there would be no religious persecution is India… So they sailed in 7 ships – 18000 in number… finally landing in Sanjan – the southernmost tip of current day Gujarat

Baba: Hmm

3M: On arrival they sent an emissary to the local king Jadi Rana… who sent them a cup filled with milk to the brim indicating that there was no place for outsiders in his kingdom

Baba: Hmm

3M: The Parsi elders sent back the cup after adding some sugar to it… indicating that they will similarly mix among the local populace!

Baba: Hmm

3M: The Rana was delighted. But he allowed them to settle only after they agreed to his conditions

·         Won’t convert the locals

·         Won’t eat Beef

·         The women folk will wear the local dress - Sari

·         Draw a rangoli outside their house

·         Won’t carry Weapons

·         Marriages will happen after sundown

Baba: Hmm

3M: And above all they will speak the local language – GUJARATI!

Baba: So what are you indicating?

3M: Sanjan is less than 5 kms from the border of current day Maharashtra… Had they landed slightly southwards they would have ended up speaking Marathi instead of Gujarati. ;-)

Baba: No way my son! How many non-Marathi people in Mumbai can speak Marathi well?? Marathi Manoos rushes to speak in their tongue to make them comfortable... Had Parsis landed southwards, the local Marathi ruler would have accepted Persian as the new language!

3M was speechless  

Syncretic effect of MNS?

3M spotted this taxi in Mumbai that sports praises to a Muslim saint and the war cry of 'Marathi Sub-nationalism' in one breath... the syncretic approach of Raj Thackeray seems to be working. Can't even think of such an signage in the 1990s when his uncle was all powerful!

What man Santa! (The 'Bestestest' Christmas song ever)

3M loved the song that has a distinct 'Paowalla' flavour with Sandras from Bandra sprinkled over it... with awesome Vasai-meets-Goa-at-Bandra-via-Mangalore syntax! Hats off to Daniel B George for coming up with this 'Kolaveri of Christmas'... 

Merry Christmas to all the readers of this blog!

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Lyrics of the song:

Ae Peter what happen man?

40 years I have removed

Waiting for the fat man in red hood

England to Poland he will roam’

But Santa he don’t come my home? (REPEAT STANZA)

What man santa why you do this?

Why don’t you come peter home?

Ask the Padre, Ask the postman

I invite him every season

But Santa won’t come no rhyme no reason

Give one kanfad man

What man Santa what you up to?

Why don’t you come Peter home?

What man Santa why you do this?

Why don’t you come Peter home?

All my hair has become grey

Waiting for the sound of the sleigh

Every Xmas I miss mass

But Santa he never come paas

What man Santa why you do this?

Why don’t you come Peter home?

Ask the Padre, Ask the postman

I invite him every season

But Santa won’t come no rhyme no reason

Give one kanfad man

What man Santa why you do this?

Why don’t you come Peter home?

Are What man Santa... What man Santa?

Why don’t you come Peter home?

What man Santa... What man Santa?

Why don’t you come to Jimmy’s home?

What man Santa... What man Santa?

Why don’t you come to Johnny’s home?

Now I will stop... I have no hope

Next Christmas I am going to invite the Pope!

Merry Christmas!

'Bangaldeshi Raj' - My letter to Outlook Magazine

In response to the cover story of Outlook Magazine “The New Enemy” (September 3, 2012), 3M had sent a letter to the editor explaining the background to Raj Thackeray’s speech. And this is what they printed.

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Branding Raj Thackeray’s MNS a communal party is fallacious — given that hundreds of his Muslim followers joined the August 21 rally.

BHARAT GOTHOSKAR, MUMBAI

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But 3M would like the readers of this blog to see the original letter. So here it is...

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Bangladeshi Raj

Your cover story, The New Enemy (Sept 3), has fallaciously branded Raj Thackeray’s MNS as a communal party though hundreds of his Muslim followers had joined the Aug 21 rally. It is imperative to understand Raj’s political philosophy to comprehend his Azad Maidan speech. He believes that all states in India have become virtual sub-nations and that the leaders of Hindi migrants in Mumbai are trying to destabilize the body politic of Maharashtra, a sub-nation of Marathi people. Now Bangladeshis are adding fuel to the fire. He has defined this sub-nationality as ‘Maharashtra Dharma’. This concept was developed by various saints and administrators since the 11^th Century including Malik Ambar (a Muslim) and was finally adopted by Chhatrapati Shivaji as the founding principle of the Maratha Empire. In fact Lokmanya Tilak used the essence of ‘Maharashtra Dharma’ to build the concept of ‘Swarajya’ which in turn formed the core of Indian Independence Movement. ‘Maharashtra Dharma’ is to be understood as all-inclusive, secular and just governance that is averse to ‘foreign interventions’. Though Raj wants to restrict himself to his state, the media has ironically made him a national leader with Hindutva leanings!

Bharat Gothoskar, Mumbai

Raj Thackeray's MNS invites Mumbaikars for a March to protest CST Riots

3M is pleased to see that this letter by Raj Thackeray is bereft of any Anti-Muslim rhetoric... but strongly condemns Maharashtra Administration and Police chief for emasculating the Police force! Surprisingly, the original champion of Hindutva is doing nothing except writing fiery articles in Samanaa!

Today's Navakaal Newspaper mentions that the police force at large is unhappy about the way they have been treated and hence their family members are going to participate in the MNS morcha in a big way on 21st August 2012! The morcha (March) will start from Girgaon Choupati at 12 noon and will end at Azad Maidan. The Maharashtra administration is reluctant to give permission for this event as 'it may cause trouble in the city'!

The Video below clearly shows that Police Commissioner Arup Pattnaik is dissuading his juniors from taking action against the rioters!

Ramazan Mubarak by Shiv Sena

3M suddenly came across this Shiv Sena banner in Dharavi... So we can expect some Zaffrani (Saffron) Biryani in Dharavi Iftars this season?

The Deshmukh-D'souza Lagna

image courtesy: One India

The Genelia D’souza- Ritesh Deshmukh wedding reception was a Punjabified version of a Marathi lagna… but Genelia’s family stuck to their roots and followed the East Indian customs before the wedding by celebrating ‘Umbrache Paani’ ceremony. East Indians are local Marathi speaking Christians from Mumbai-Vasai-Thane. In the image below you can see Genelia is dressed in a typical East Indian Lugda (Saree) while her father and brother are sporting traditional Koli dress!

Image Courtesy: Mumbai Mirror

Global Thinkers and 'Marathi Manoos'

The ‘Foreign Policy’ Magazine has released its list of ‘Top 100 Global Thinkers’ which includes 8 people of Indian origin… and Maharashtra Times is celebrating the fact that a Marathi Manoos – Dr. Atul Gavande (#72) has made it to the list. So 3M took a closer look… and to his surprise there are actually two Marathi Manoos in the list! Fareed Zakaria (#17), editor of Newsweek Magazine, comes from a Konkani Muslim family from Nala Sopara in Thane District of Maharashtra… So does that make him a lesser ‘son of the soil’ as compared to a Marathi Hindu?

3M Trivia: Nandan Nilekani (#43) also comes from a Konkani family from Sirsi.

Afzal Khan't

In a bid to revive its electoral fortune, Shiv Sena is trying to celebrate the 350th anniversary of Afzal Khan's 'Vadh’… but the State Police force is not amused… who wants a repeat of the Miraj Riots?

Mount Mary Jatra... Mumbai and beyond!

Even as thousands of people for all faiths throng the tony suburb of Bandra for the Mount Mary Jatra… very few people are aware of a replica event happening in Haregaon in Ahmednagar District for those who cannot afford to come all they way to the state capital for darshan of their beloved ‘Matmauli’!

More images of Miraj Riots

Rioters damaging Ganapati Idols

"Kya tere baap kaa road hai?"

Another Email FWD... An apocryphal story involving Russi Mody. (Ex MD Tata Steel)

I would like to believe that the following story actually happened. It is so typically Russi.

It is said that once Russi Mody was on an official trip to (the then) Bombay. Even though it was a Sunday morning, Russi had to visit Bombay House, the Corporate Head Quarters of the Tata Group. Russi was driving a Mercedes himself as it was a Sunday and there was very little traffic and also it was the chauffeur's day off. Russi was wearing simple shorts and a T shirt.

Knowing that he would take just a few minutes to finish his work in Bombay House and that it was a non-working day in the business district with very low traffic, he decided to take liberties to park his Merc in an other-wise no parking zone. A conscientious traffic cop noticed all this and he immediately rushed to Russi who had started sauntering towards the Bombay House entrance.

In a gruff voice the Pandu Havaldar asked Russi. "Kyun bhidu, baap kaa sadak samajh kay rakha hai kya?"

Russi very non-chalantly replied: "Haan kuchh aisa hi hai. Aapko English padhna aata hai kya?"

Then he gently held the Pandu's arm and walked him to the kerbside and pointed to the metal signage of the road. He asked the cop "Kya Likha Hai?"

The cop said "Sir Homi Mody Street". A mischievously smiling Russi discloses"Woh Mera Baap Tha".

Russi was allowed to leave his car parked in the "No Parking" Zone that Sunday morning.

Where have all the Paos gone?

3M studied in a Christian missionary school… and tends to get nostalgic about all things ‘Pao’ (Read ‘Local Christian Culture’)… so when his Catholic colleague invited him for his engagement at Chakala… 3M was more that eager!

Memories of childhood -

Vindaloo & Sausages… Uncles blurting ‘What Maan!’…

Strumming of Guitar… Dishes made from ‘Bottle Masala’…

Football in rains… Girls in ‘mana’ dresses…

Guys in black coats… Grannies in Lugda (Nine yards Sarees)…

the list is endless!

But 3M was in for a rude shock… The boy was in a Kurta… the girl in a ‘Punjabi Dress’… worst of all... not a single girl in a western outfit… Punjabi dresses and Sarees everywhere… No guy in a ‘coat n tie’ either! The DJ made a feeble attempt at playing some ‘western chartbusters’… but within minutes succumbed to Punjabi numbers. They served Chicken Tikka and Punjabi Samosa as snacks… sheer blasphemy!

The Booze Counter and the priest chanting “Father… the son…” were the only things indicating that this is a ‘Pao’ event! So before they served Rogan Josh, Paneer Makhani and Parathas, 3M decided to give lunch a ‘Kalti’! God… can’t take this Punjbification of India any more… Yashraj Movies will rot in hell!

BTW when is ‘Dil Bole Hadippa’ releasing? Got to book the tickets!

RPI Unity… a reality?

Republican Party of India founded by Babasaheb Ambedkar has been riddled with factionalism for decades. Even as these factions try to come together in the run up to the assembly elections, Prakash Ambedkar plays hard to get! In the meantime, Ramdas Athavale insists on ‘Ekla Chalo Re’ as he is miffed with Congress-NCP after his defeat in the recent elections… Is he really so naïve enough to believe that just 7% neo-Buddhist votes can help him gain power in the state?

10% quota for Muslims

Before the code of conduct sets in for the assembly elections, the Aghadi Sarkar is going all out to appease its traditional voter base… from regularising the hutments till 2000 to reviving the Shivaji Smarak it is trying out all the tricks of the trade. As a part of this agenda, they have pushed for a ‘Muslim Package’…

3M appreciates the incentive given to Muslim students to reduce the number of school dropouts… But '10% reservation' in the State Police Force is ridiculous!

'Out of Closet'

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Speaking of 'Closet' and 'Fridge'... this could have been a Godrej ad!

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Thackeray Sr in love with Sarkozy

Balasaheb Thackeray earlier expressed his love for Varun Gandhi after later’s ‘Haath Kat Doonga’ speech… and now he calls Sarkozy ‘Tagdaa Manoos’ for banning burqas in France!

3M is sure that Carla Bruni would agree to this new title!

Cluster Development by Community

In a unique experiment, Syedna Mohammed Burhanuddin, the spiritual leader of the Dawoodi Bohra community has decided to redevelop the Bhendi Bazaar area… A noble thought indeed but hope that they don’t end up making faceless blocks… what 3M calls ‘MHADA Follys’. They should be taking expertise of organisations like INTACH so that the area does not loose the distinctive look that it currently has… BTW the fabled Chor Bazaar is part of this precinct.

3M is sure that given the fact that the community has done a fabulous job when they resurrected the Saifee Hostipal… this will be a well planned project.

Gay man gets ‘Pandu’ support

Even as India government is contemplating repealing the Victorian era anti-gay legislation, many Mumbai gays complain harassment by police… So when Cherag Bambboat, a cosmetic expert, praised Mumbai Police for their support in a gay bashing case, 3M was surprised!

‘Sons of the soil’ movie

The resurgence of Marathi Cinema is for all to see… but when ‘Tu Majha Jeev’, an “East Indian” film was released in Mumbai last week 3M was elated… Interestingly, the director is a ‘Singh’ and the lead actors are Marathi speaking Hindus!

For the uninitiated, East Indians are local Christians from Mumbai and Vasai area who consider themselves to be the original ‘sons of soil’… sound like ‘potential market’ for MNS!