Thursday, September 15, 2011


Even though it is a bit below the belt, 3M loved rare combative style of this 'Madrasan'... hope some 'Delhi Boy' will give back in equally funny manner... hopefully without any vitriol!


Dear Delhi boy,

Namaskaram from the South of India, or as you may like to believe, the countries south of the Vindhyas. I came to your city 2 years ago with a brand new job and a bucketload of expectations. My friends and family here thought I was completely insane to choose Delhi over more female conducive cities like Bangalore or even Bombay. I am very sad to report that your reputation of being an ignorant, chauvinistic oaf with the intelligence levels of an autistic 3 year old on crack precedes you and it hurts me even more to admit to this rather accurate description.

Your reputation has travelled far and wide, to countries outside South India as well. And believe me man, it is not a pretty situation. I understand that your stone faded, ripped jeans, your V-neck cleavage showing t-shirts that reveal to the world that you have in fact inherited your mother’s voluptuous shaved Punjabi bosom, are what you think maketh a man, but it does not. It only maketh for a man who gets a pity license to share his girlfriend’s bra. I write to you as a woman who has been brought up in a society free of any discrimination towards women so thanks to you, my living in Delhi is as safe as Hugh Hefner’s playmate of the year living in Jeddah.

You meet me at a friend’s birthday, talk to me about nightclubs and your new SUV and when I look like I’m in desperate need of a barf bag, you think I have an attitude problem. I understand this completely. But let me remind you that I am from SOUTH INDIA and not SOUTH DELHI, so no ,I am not scrawny, I am not fair, I don’t have straight hair and my topics of conversation go beyond the Fendi I saw in last month’s Vogue. I am olive-skinned, have lower –back-length lustrous cascading tresses that sometimes make me look like I fell out Jim Morrison’s tour bus. Got a problem with that? Well just suck it up coz I was born into a society where a woman can whoop your Punjabi patoutie to pulp. While your mother pretends to be very progressive but still cows down to the whims of her husband every single time, mine on the other hand was born into a matriarchal home where every single possession is in the rightful name of the girl child. Could you ever, my hunky handsome, cash throwing pig, imagine this kind of power in your society? So stop telling me that women are not treated like trash where you come from. Just shut up and admit to it. It’s just easier that way. And lest we forget that we’ve managed to curtail the number of rape cases despite not having a female Chief Minister. Amma ‘s body composition generates way too much heat for her get out of her AC room anyway, so don’t even bring that up.

And your English. Good Lord, what in the world is up with that? I don’t want you to ‘explain me’ anything. It’s like you need to go to primary school all over again. And call them your parents, not your ‘peerents’ or what your cooler, more happening brethren call them—‘mere mom-dad’. Like what are they? Conjoined twins? Are they joined at the hip? Your South India counterparts may not have your looks, but are way more mentally stimulating, a quality that eludes you obviously, but has been the single most sexy factor for us Southie chicks since the age of five. I mean once again, who can blame you? You were brought up on Gurdas Mann and the heroic deeds of Devinder Singh Bhullar and the ever so fair concepts such as elections in Phugwada while we mere ‘black-colour waale’ mortals had to make do with Bharatnatyam classes, M.S Subhalakshmi and chess. Shame no? And yes, if by a slight chance, you do find my big dancer eyes attractive enough for you to prolong our conversations and meetings and if by an even slighter chance you fall in love with me and decide to marry me, you will have to wear a mundu and you will have to lie prostrate shirtless at the Guruvayurappan temple. A small price to pay for all the genuine independence I am giving up for you. And that’s the real thing, not what you see the Delhi girls at LSR and Stephen’s doing during their fake as hell protest marches coz ultimately they’re going home to a family who’re putting together money for Bobby beta’s bail coz he just ran over his girlfriend’s ex, by mistake of course.

I understand that I come from the land of ugly. I mean obviously Hema Malini, Sri Devi and Aishwarya Rai with their natural banal looks don’t even hold a candle to Priyanka Chopra after her two nose jobs and one lip reconstruction surgery. Not a chance in hell. But when you do come to ask for my hand, remember I am part Maharashtrian and part South Indian and NO, they are not the same thing. So please tell your family, not to drop racist bombs like “Arey woh sab toh ‘Sawth’ ke hi hote hai na?” And YOU—don’t walk up to mother in an attempt to make flattering conversation and say shit like “Aunty you don’t look like a South Indian You are so fair” In return she will verbally Texas chainsaw massacre your face so badly, your dead Dadi will haunt you the very same night, telling you how fleeing Pakistan was less traumatic. So don’t. Better still just don’t speak. Just glean and flex your muscles a little and keep smiling. Just whatever you do, don’t talk.

You may not like our food, but then we don’t like you, which is worse. We may not be even that into food, but then that’s coz we have other things to do with our lives, like crack IIT or become writers, journalists, activists and do things that we are very passionate about. The South Indian woman has a voice and boy can she yell. So if you want to Sambhar ‘Chawl’ your way into my life, then you got to toe the line. Be way more aware than what your are. Remember Delhi is not a country and we are not Black. If I ever hear you utter that name of that colour, I will Kalaripayattu your tongue out of your rear. Yes , that is the secret behind our awesome sex ratio. Just so you know.

For someone who is so confident of his physical abilities you really suck at luring an intelligent woman. Don’t send me text messages that say ‘happy guru purab’, you freakshow and if you want to be cute with your ever so charming (not) Punjabi advances, then don’t send texts that say “Dil laye gayee kudi Madrraaas di”! NO. It’s just not cool man. I may have have missed on a lot in this letter, but that’s ok because you’ll forget to read it and even if you do , you’ll get your cousin Jassi from Defence Callonny to translate it for you. And this letter can’t go on forever like the Punjabi male ego.

So long my love, and here’s two steps of gidda just for you, just to show that I can be traditional and will not accidently kick your sister while doing so.Love, hugs, kisses aka ‘muah’ (only I shall ‘muah’, you please don’t do anything coz you tend to forget that these are my lips and not a piece of Tandoori Chicken from Kakke- Da- Dhabba)

(Only I can call myself that. If you EVER call me by this name, I will shove so many coconuts down your system that your little saver pack versions will begin to sprout coir.)


Anonymous said...

STFU Bitch

delhi girl said...

madrasan its quite clear that its a case of sour grapes I cant believe you could be so racist and you are saying that u were subjected to racism........
you are quite bipolar

TAPAN said...

Therz a war going on between you and 'Mad Mommy' on this website...they have this cartoons of you where one can vote

Anonymous said...

A. Racist.

B. Totally unnecessary.

C. I'm a West Indian (from Mumbai, that is). You claim your English to be good, but I can pick several grammatical and language errors from several of the sentences, even if I were to ignore the colloquialism.

D. Get a life.

Gurangad said...

if you have so much problem with Delhi, y don't you go back to where you came from...don't F**king come to a place and just disrespect the people,bloody attention wonder you got no job in your so perfect Madras and came crawling from your hole to delhi....I feel bad for delhi not being the safest place but then which place is, shit happens every where!! I study in Canada and for two continuous years I have had visiting friends from here who did not only travel North but did four months of summer internship in Delhi and very satisfied people claiming India(DELHI) to be one of the finest places they have visited, nice friendly people and amazing culture diversity!!! who the hell do u think u are?? our culture our people is our pride and indians are the last people I except to be racist against them...dividing the country into north and south...always had good words for places and people in south, good to know what they think...oh wait they dont think they just bullshit!!

P.S F**k you madrasaan GIRL!!

Purestconsciousness said...

MADRASAN!!!! MARDRASAN! MADRASAN.... I'll say it a million times more now. :D :D :D

Anonymous said...

what happened madrasaan no more comments for OUR comments, scared already!! come on i can't wait to insult you more so reply to the comments MAD-RASAAN....!!

Anonymous said...

hahaha all u chaps reacting like this proves it hurt u :D well thats gud enuf for us madrasis.IT HIT U WHERE IT HURTS THE MOST ....ohh i meant the heart incase u delhi guys thot somwhere else :P

Anonymous said...

All you racist pricks can burn in hell.. North, south, east, west, wherever you come from, if you hate others for their ethnicity and state, you don't deserve to live in this country. I hope you bastards get shot in the street

Anonymous said...

Hello to all Indians. I was completely shocked seeing this whole piece of subject which is reflecting some issues like racism with in country. To be frank i am coming with some really a frank story (interested ppl can proceed) Guys me being from complete south-indian KANNAD family (a madrasi, as they refer in delhi and other part of india) went for my studies to delhi for specializing in the field of media studies. Me being a male classical dancer got reward for the first time in my life only by North people my friends my professor everyone did aprreciated and encouraged me. And showed me that i am special, in other side where when i was in south india my own people didnt even respect me rather they treated me like i am some on who might be gayish, which bought so much pain in me and made me to loose pshycological balance and what i got being a south indian in south was trauma and I left dancing lond back. But when entrd delhi my friends classmates and professor they helped me to realise what i was missing and gave me the spirit for what i wanted to live. Trust me our south indians have propblem of inferiority so they come up with this kind of issue. But please to all my north indian lovely people you are all open minded keep it and dont listen to all this and dont even care. Help and Help just help others and everyone to realize that they have something special if not color like you guys. Thank you to all my friends and people from north who cheered me and made a fun that i am madrasi but i took it and even u made in a funny way though not to hurt me. Love you all indians especially north indians. If i have one more janam i really wish to get my birth in north family and ppl where they are broad minded not saying that a classical male dnacer would be a gayish. and rather i ill get most support. Cheers north especially delhi guys your life rocks. Miss it when i am back here in souuth but in very near future i ill come and settle in delhi itself becuase i see thats wer u can live fullest though climate is problem , there is life in delhi.


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